Men often crave constant attention and struggle with being alone, frequently seeking new relationships before ending current ones.
Famous examples, such as Eamonn Holmes reportedly growing close to divorcee Katie Alexander as his marriage to TV host Ruth Langsford ended, and golfer Rory McIlroy briefly splitting from Erica Stoll and allegedly being linked to TV reporter Amanda Balion, highlight this trend. Interestingly, McIlroy has now reconciled with Erica. Here, writer Rebecca Tidy, 37, shares her personal experiences on why men crave constant attention and can't handle solitude.
Sitting on my sofa in Cornwall, I feel blissfully happy. I’ve had a productive workday and will soon pick up my daughter from school. The house is tidy, my plants are soaking in the sink, and the fridge is stocked with my favorite vegan foods. There's no man in my life to mess up the house, fill the fridge with food I dislike, or complain about the plants. I’m happily single and have vowed to remain so for a while. Recently, I decided never to date a man who hasn’t been single for at least two years. This is the only way to ensure they are mature and not just needy boys. Unfortunately, such men are as rare as unicorns. Most men I know jump hastily from one relationship to another, often with someone waiting in the wings. Whether they cheat or not, they seem to need a woman's validation and care.
Consider recent celebrity splits. While there's no suggestion of an affair, Eamonn Holmes reportedly had a mystery woman comforting him as his marriage to Ruth Langsford broke down. He has now grown close to Katie Alexander. Similarly, Rory McIlroy was linked to Amanda Balion during his brief separation from Erica Stoll. A source commented, "I've known the guy a long time and there's always an overlap." The term "overlap" is a trigger for me. I recently heard through the grapevine that my ex, John, had married the woman he started dating right after our split. I heard that the best man jokingly mentioned their relationship overlapped with the previous one. While I may never know the true nature of their relationship during our time together, it was clear he moved on quickly.
Looking back, there were signs. When we met, John had a girlfriend. He told me he wanted to break up with her but needed to wait until he could visit her in another city to do it in person. That took a couple of months. Now, I wonder if he was waiting to see how things would go with me before ending it with her. One of his friends even mentioned that John couldn't handle being alone, but in the flush of new romance, I ignored it. I nicknamed him "the wife guy" because he constantly talked about being a loving partner. He even had "devoted husband" in his Twitter bio, despite us not being married. Now, I think he did it to appear as a good catch for other women.
During our relationship, he had close female friends who would suddenly appear. One, the daughter of a work colleague, would go out with him frequently. I didn’t question it at the time, accepting that they had similar interests. But now, I wonder if he was auditioning my replacement. In the last few years of our relationship, we were unhappy. I think he stayed because he hadn’t found a better option. Eventually, he left, and I suspect there was overlap with his now-wife.
Many men explore their options while still in a relationship, particularly when their friends are all coupled up. They like having someone at home to care for them and bolster their confidence. They fear being alone and need a cheerleader. Men often don’t have the same support networks as women and seek validation through relationships. They never seem to outgrow the teenage boy mentality of wanting independence but craving the reassurance of a maternal figure.
I’ve had three relationships where I was the woman in the wings, none serious. I met Dan at the gym, and it was casual. Later, a friend mentioned his girlfriend. The second man had no social media, raising my suspicions. A colleague confirmed he had another woman. The third one was local, so I didn’t think he’d play around on his doorstep. Once I realized their deceit, I ended things. Many of my female friends, now married with children, will likely avoid immediately seeking another partner if they break up. They don't feel the need for a man for validation.
My recent relationships weren’t because I needed a man. I enjoy my own company, and my friends, family, and daughter meet my emotional needs. When I dipped my toes back into dating, it was for fun, not validation. Until I find a self-sufficient man, I’ll remain happily single. Married women should understand men’s tendencies. Men and women can be friends within a group dynamic, but alarms should sound if a man frequently spends time alone with another woman. Women waiting in the wings should be wary; how a man treats his partner is how he will eventually treat them. Men have patterns that don’t change. The only way to ensure a man isn’t needy is to wait until he is completely disentangled from his previous relationship. Excuses like "we have separate lives but can’t afford to live apart" or "the divorce is taking a while" don’t count.
