The circus has officially packed up and left, and no, there won’t be another wave of Meghan’s mystical Montecito jam gracing your breakfast table anytime soon.
Despite the buzz, the curated homestead aesthetic, and the sold-out-in-45-minutes flex, Meghan Markle has announced she’s stepping back from her brand to “reassess.” Translation: the jam didn’t perform well, and now she’s eyeing a pivot—this time, into fashion.
Meghan launched “American Riviera Orchard” with the usual glossy veneer—presented as a female founder, wellness advocate, and artisanal fruit spread mogul. She even declared, “Jam is my jam.” But now, suddenly, she’s too busy—or perhaps just over it—to make another jar. In a recent interview, she admitted she doesn’t even know what she’d put on a résumé. Here’s a suggestion: Jack-of-all-trades, master of none.
Now she’s dropping hints about breaking into fashion. Because, clearly, what the world desperately needs is another celebrity lending their name to some drop-shipped blazers and calling it a revolution. This wasn’t a brand launch—it was a PR stunt featuring a few mason jars and an overly filtered Instagram page. And now she’s pretending it was all part of some brilliant long-term strategy. Anyone with a shred of common sense knows better.
You don’t step back from success—you retreat when the hype fizzles and you realize your name alone can’t sell $14 jam to an audience still waiting for their refunds. “Sold out” was more like “barely shipped,” with whispers of no trademarks, no FDA approval, and manufacturers vanishing into thin air after realizing exposure doesn’t pay bills. She's now on “site visits” to scout new partners—translation: the last ones ghosted her, tired of the bad press and IOUs.
Even Netflix, the platform that once anointed her a rock star, opted not to tie its brand to her jam. Instead of giving her a space on their platform, they told her to run it solo. That says a lot. And who could forget the bizarre finale of her podcast, where she interviewed the Spanx founder in what was supposed to be a spiritual sendoff? The only spirit involved was probably a $3 bottle of Trader Joe’s wine.
But sure, Meghan, keep telling us about your brand pillars and soulful inspirations. If your brand is rooted in your personal journey, the next logical product might be relationship counseling or voodoo dolls. What’s next? A couture collection? Watch out, Victoria Beckham—Meghan’s coming for you with an Amazon sewing kit and a Pinterest board full of beige outfits. Somewhere, Victoria is probably laughing into her Birkin.
And here’s the kicker: there won’t be a restock until 2026. That’s right—she’s taking a two-year hiatus from jam-making to do… what, exactly? Manifest more half-baked ideas? Pitch Netflix another vanity project? We’ve seen this pattern before. The podcast. The jam. Each venture announced as her true calling, then quietly abandoned the moment it stops fitting her narrative.
At the end of the day, Meghan Markle’s greatest skill isn’t acting, branding, or storytelling. It’s reframing failure as a conscious decision. “American Riviera Orchard” wasn’t a brand—it was a detour in the never-ending performance that is Meghan’s public persona. So no, you’re probably not getting that jam, but you are getting a masterclass in how not to launch a business. And honestly, it’s been more entertaining than anything she’s done since Suits.
