After six years together, Taylor Swift and Joe Alwyn have decided to part ways, and the world is anticipating the inevitable post-breakup song from the queen of musical heartache.
It's a universal truth acknowledged by Swifties, casual listeners, and probably even extraterrestrial beings: when Taylor Swift ends a relationship, a chart-topping anthem is imminent. Taylor herself knows it, Joe Alwyn is aware, your mom's clued in, I'm onto it, and the global population can practically smell it.
The end of this singer-actor power couple can mean only one thing: get ready for a song about their love story, coming in 3, 2, 1... Shakira! Just kidding, no collaboration with Shakira (although, what a fantastic idea), but Taylor is undoubtedly sharpening her heartbreak pencils, poised to craft a song that not only expresses her pain but also serves up a few pointed jabs at her now-ex-boyfriend.
In the world according to Taylor, women don't shed tears; they turn heartbreak into chart-topping hits. And don't you dare credit Shakira with the idea of revenge songs because Taylor has been perfecting the art since her early days as a promising country music star.
Back in 2012, fresh from her breakup with Harry Styles, Taylor declared, "If you're horrible to me, I'm going to write a song about it, and you won't like it. That's how I work." Styles bore the brunt of Taylor's musical retaliation in not one, not two, but three songs: "I Knew You Were Trouble," "Out of the Woods," and "Style." Styles, being the gentleman he is, found it flattering, even when the content wasn't so flattering, as he shared on The Howard Stern Show. Fortunately, the two reconciled and exchanged pleasantries at the Grammy Awards years later.
Now, fast forward to the present. Taylor Swift, Joe Alwyn, and the post-breakup anthem that everyone is eagerly anticipating. The question on everyone's mind: just one song? Well, let's do the math. Six years equate to 96 months. If Taylor maintains her one-song-per-month-of-relationship tradition, brace yourselves for a whopping 96 potential hits.
In all seriousness, we're on the edge of our seats, eagerly awaiting the first of what could be a 96-song saga. Joe Alwyn, if I were you, I'd be digging a tunnel to the Earth's core right about now. Taylor's musical revenge is on the horizon, and it's bound to be epic. Or maybe not. Only time will tell.
