Meghan Markle found herself in the most unthinkable of situations—standing in line at the DMV, clutching a ticket stub like an ordinary citizen.
The horror, the tragedy, the sheer injustice of it all! How could the Department of Motor Vehicles fail to acknowledge her once-royal, now self-proclaimed regal status? According to a recent blind item on DeuxMoi, Meghan had let her driver’s license expire, forcing her to endure the indignity of handling the situation in person, just like everyone else. As if fate were deliberately working against her, she wouldn't even be allowed to Photoshop her license photo—a cruel reality for someone so accustomed to carefully curated public images.
For those unfamiliar, the DMV is a soul-draining test of patience, a place where optimism withers under harsh fluorescent lights, and people sit for hours waiting for their number to be called. And yet, here she was, the self-proclaimed "Madam Sussex," confronting one of the greatest challenges of her life: blending in with the masses. But there was another twist to this bureaucratic nightmare. The DMV, in all its relentless adherence to rules, required legal names. Meghan Markle, a name known worldwide, was merely a stage name. On official documents, she remained Rachel Meghan Markle. One could only imagine her at the counter, declaring, “I am Meghan, Duchess of Sussex. Address me accordingly!” Perhaps she’d even expect a curtsy for good measure, punctuated by a strategically placed tear to heighten the drama. Unfortunately for her, DMV employees have witnessed every form of meltdown, tantrum, and bribe attempt. A little royal foot-stomping wouldn’t be enough to bend the ironclad rules of this unyielding institution.
If Meghan truly wanted to be known as Meghan Sussex, she had an arduous journey ahead. First, she’d have to navigate the Social Security office—a bureaucratic black hole of its own—where she would need legal documentation to support a name change. But here’s the kicker: her marriage certificate does not list "Sussex" as her last name. The U.S. government does not recognize noble titles as legal surnames, meaning her only option would be to file a court petition for a name change. Once approved, she’d need to return to the Social Security office before making her way back to the DMV. And just when she thought the ordeal couldn’t get worse, California law required that those with expired licenses might need to retake both the written and driving tests. The thought of Meghan Markle behind the wheel of a DMV-issued Toyota Corolla, attempting to parallel park under the scrutiny of an unimpressed examiner, was almost too much to imagine. One could only hope the test administrator wasn’t a longtime Suits fan or, worse, someone with strong opinions about Spare.
Then there was the Real ID dilemma. To obtain one, she would have to appear in person with proof of residency—something as mundane as a utility bill. But did Meghan Markle even know what a utility bill looked like? Surely such pedestrian matters were handled by her staff. But at the DMV, celebrity status counted for nothing. Without a Real ID, she wouldn't be able to board a commercial flight—not that it mattered, since she only flew private. Still, the existential crisis of realizing that, for once, the rules applied to her too must have been a bitter pill to swallow.
For years, Meghan had sought to distance herself from the Markle name while basking in the prestige of Sussex. But in the United States, aristocracy held no legal weight. No amount of self-branding, PR spin, or royal nostalgia could change the fact that, to the U.S. government, she was simply Rachel Meghan Markle. And so, the DMV showdown loomed. Would she grit her teeth and endure the humiliating ordeal of waiting in line, or would she send an assistant to handle it, only to be told she had to appear in person? Either way, one thing was certain—no amount of title-throwing, foot-stomping, or demands for curtsies would make the DMV bow to her.
