Look out, everyone—King Charles is playing the world's most passive-aggressive father-in-law with flair. The menu for the Bay Day 80th anniversary has just been revealed, and His Majesty might as well have titled it, “Here you go, Meghan—some free inspiration for your next faux cooking show.” You're welcome, duchess.
If you're Meghan, the question is: which dish do you steal first? Let’s begin with the carrot cake. A royal favorite, it's moist, fluffy, and topped with intricately crafted marzipan carrots. But if Meghan gets her hands on it, she’ll no doubt give it her signature twist. Picture this: “I picked these carrots myself in Montecito, as wild bunnies circled around me and I cried for the earth.” Then to add her unique flair, she’ll lovingly transfer some store-bought baby carrots from one Trader Joe's bag to another. Presentation matters, darling. She’ll garnish it with mint leaves and declare it a “rustic healing cake.”
And it wouldn’t be a Markle-inspired menu without dead flowers scattered across the plate like edible confetti. Meghan doesn’t cook—she curates. Her idea of a meal resembles a lifeless charcuterie platter: carrot sticks arranged like soldiers, cucumber slices gazing into the void, and of course, those bone-dry petals tossed on top like she’s sanctifying a salad. It’s food, technically, but only in the most abstract sense. And heaven forbid someone offers her quiche—too many eggs. Meghan prefers plant-based cuisine… unless the cameras are rolling.
Meanwhile, Harry’s probably whispering, “Do we have any eggs left?” and Meghan responds, “I froze mine in 2016, just in case I need to bake an heir.” But let's not forget the rest of the royal feast. Sausage rolls? Gone. Lemon and carrot cake? Claimed. Family recipes stolen and repackaged as “Mommy’s Mindful Muffins.” Traditional Scotch eggs? Now shipped from a British expat shop in L.A., served in a vintage jam jar with a sprig of basil for that extra artisan touch. Because why settle for one dish when you can repurpose the entire menu into Season 3 of a Netflix series—With Love from the Palace Kitchen?
Each dish will come with a handwritten backstory, probably something like, “Archie stirred the batter telepathically while Lilibet whispered her blessings into the frosting.” And who could forget Meghan’s actual Netflix baking debut—the cupcake catastrophe? She iced cupcakes while they were still in the muffin tin, using a Ziploc bag instead of a piping nozzle. Not even the decency of a star tip. Bakers around the world collectively winced. One expert dubbed it “amateur hour.” Another compared it to a toddler’s first go with Play-Doh.
We’re not trying to say Meghan’s bad at baking. Actually, yes—we are. Because if you present yourself as a lifestyle guru but decorate cupcakes like you’re squirting ketchup on a hot dog, maybe it’s time to put down the spatula.
So what’s next? Meghan’s definitely going to recreate this royal menu for her next Memorial Day gathering, then post the results on Instagram with a caption like, “So grateful for love, light, and heritage-inspired cuisine.” A few flower petals tossed here, a pretzel wand there, maybe even a rogue feather for dramatic effect. In the end, Charles might have unknowingly handed her a goldmine of creative fuel—whether it becomes her next piece of content or her next culinary catastrophe.
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