Meghan Markle, standing in line at the DMV, clutching a ticket stub like an ordinary citizen—what an unthinkable sight.
The horror, the injustice! How could the Department of Motor Vehicles fail to recognize her royal—well, formerly royal—self-proclaimed regal status? According to a new blind item on DeuxMoi, Meghan Markle allowed her driver’s license to expire. A tragedy of unimaginable proportions for the queen of self-importance. Now, she must face the ultimate indignity: appearing in person at the DMV, like a mere mortal. And to make matters worse, there will be no carefully curated Photoshop edits for her new license photo.
For those unfamiliar with the DMV experience, it is a soul-draining test of endurance, a bureaucratic abyss where optimism fades under the relentless glare of fluorescent lights. People sit for hours, their patience thinning with every number called. And yet, here she is—the self-proclaimed Madame Sussex—confronting what might be the greatest challenge of her life: waiting in line among the commoners.
But the real twist? The DMV, in all its red-tape glory, requires legal names. "Meghan Markle" may be her public persona, but on paper, she is still Rachel Meghan Markle. The scandal! Picture her at the counter, declaring, “I am Meghan, Duchess of Sussex. Address me accordingly.” The DMV employee, unimpressed, responds, “Sure thing, ma’am. Next.” Perhaps she’d attempt a dramatic tear, a perfectly timed quiver of the lip. But DMV staff are battle-hardened—they’ve seen every tantrum, every bribe, every meltdown. A little royal foot-stomping won’t bend the unyielding rules of government bureaucracy.
If Meghan truly wants to be “Meghan Sussex,” she has a long road ahead. First stop: the Social Security office, another delightful labyrinth of paperwork. To change her legal name, she’d need official documentation—such as a marriage certificate. But here’s the catch: her marriage certificate doesn’t list “Sussex” because, in the U.S., noble titles aren’t recognized as legal names. So what’s a former royal to do? File a court petition for a legal name change, wait for approval, then return to Social Security, and finally, the DMV. And if her license has been expired too long, she might even have to take the written and driving tests again. Imagine Meghan Markle behind the wheel of a DMV-issued Toyota Corolla, attempting a parallel park while a grumpy examiner marks a clipboard. One can only hope the test proctor doesn’t have strong opinions about Suits or Spare.
Then there’s the matter of California’s Real ID requirements. To obtain one, she must appear in person with proof of residency, like a utility bill. Which raises an important question—has Meghan Markle ever seen a utility bill? Surely, such mundane affairs are handled by her staff. But the DMV doesn’t care about celebrity status. Without a Real ID, she wouldn’t be able to board a commercial flight. Not that it matters—she only flies private. Still, the realization that the same rules apply to her must be unsettling.
For years, Meghan has tried to shed the name "Markle" while clinging to the prestige of "Sussex," but America does not recognize aristocracy. No amount of PR spin will change the fact that, to the U.S. government, she is simply Rachel Meghan Markle. And so, the DMV showdown looms. Will she endure the humiliation of waiting in line, or send an assistant—only to be told she must appear in person? One thing is certain: no amount of title-dropping, foot-stomping, or curtsy-demanding will make the DMV bow to her.
