Meghan Markle seems determined to establish herself as the next queen of the lifestyle and wellness industry. With her latest brand venture, she appears eager to enter the already saturated space of high-end health and self-care. However, she faces stiff competition from a reigning champion of expensive, aspirational living—Gwyneth Paltrow.
In a recent Vanity Fair interview, Gwyneth graciously welcomed Meghan into the world of meticulously curated lifestyles, stating with a saccharine sweetness that there is always enough room for everyone. She then added, almost as an afterthought, that she was raised to view other women as friends, not adversaries. Unfortunately, Meghan’s fans seemed to have missed that message entirely.
When fitness guru Tracy Anderson casually posted an Instagram photo with the caption “Welcome to my actual kitchen,” Meghan’s devoted supporters saw it as a direct dig at their idol’s aesthetic. They swarmed Anderson’s page with fury, forcing her to clarify that she simply meant she was in her own kitchen, not borrowing Goop’s. But the damage had been done. Meghan’s fanbase then redirected their anger toward Gwyneth herself. In response, whether intentional or not, Gwyneth delivered the ultimate display of effortless superiority. She posted a casual, makeup-free video of herself preparing breakfast in her elegantly minimalist home, sipping from a monogrammed mug while her dog lounged nearby. The authenticity, the simplicity, the sheer Gwyneth-ness of it all spoke volumes. As if to underscore her quiet dominance, the video was set to a song from Meghan’s own television series.
Never one to let a perceived slight go unanswered, Meghan countered the next day with a breakfast video of her own. However, rather than showcasing an elegant or sophisticated dish, she and her best friend, Kelly McKee Zajfen, presented what could only be described as the world’s saddest banana split—a banana topped with granola, jam, and blueberries. In a post that suggested she believed she had just revolutionized breakfast, Meghan dramatically captioned it as though she and Kelly had discovered a culinary breakthrough. The two women clinked their forks together in an exaggerated display of triumph before tasting the dish, with Meghan proclaiming it to be “so good.” The internet, however, was less than impressed.
Social media erupted with mockery and disbelief. Many users questioned why Meghan seemed so amazed by a dish that looked like a toddler’s snack. “Granola, jam, and berries on a banana… groundbreaking,” one user snarked. Another pointed out the puzzling contrast in attire, with one woman dressed for fall while the other appeared to have just rolled out of bed. And, as always, Meghan’s habit of letting her hair dangle over food became a subject of debate. But perhaps the most bewildering aspect of the entire spectacle was the suggestion that this underwhelming dish was somehow meant as a clapback at Gwyneth. Did Meghan truly believe that showcasing a sliced banana would strike fear into the heart of the wellness mogul? If so, she had grossly miscalculated.
While Gwyneth continues to promote high-end wellness products and subtly reinforce her status as the ultimate lifestyle guru, Meghan’s attempt to position herself in the same league fell flat. And speaking of that banana, many were horrified to see that Meghan had left the unappealing end of it intact. “If she has such an obsessive eye for detail, why didn’t she trim the banana properly?” one critic asked. Others were more concerned with the sugar content of her so-called breakfast, warning that a steady diet of jam-covered bananas could lead to pre-diabetes in no time.
In the end, what did this so-called battle of breakfast aesthetics teach us? Meghan remains determined to carve out her place in the lifestyle industry, but she continues to stumble over her own banana peels. Meanwhile, Gwyneth, whether by design or simply by existing, has once again managed to make Meghan look like an amateur without even trying.
