Meghan Markle has taken a cherished staple of Italian cuisine and transformed it into something so bewildering that Italians are in shock, food critics are horrified, and casual onlookers are questioning whether authorities should intervene.
Her latest culinary misstep is a one-pan pasta dish so offensive that even the most forgiving taste buds are struggling to recover. The brutally honest food critics behind Lionfield Music took it upon themselves to sample the dish. Their verdict? It wasn’t the worst thing they’d ever eaten, but it certainly wasn’t something they’d ever willingly try again. The first warning sign appeared immediately: she called it “noodles.” Italians hold pasta in the highest regard, and lumping spaghetti into the same category as instant ramen is nothing short of sacrilege. It’s like referring to a fine wine as "grape juice with an attitude"—the level of disrespect is staggering.
However, the real culinary crime lies in the preparation. Instead of cooking pasta the traditional way—boiling it properly in salted water, draining it, and then mixing it with sauce—Meghan opted for the one-pan approach, tossing all the ingredients into a single pot and hoping for the best. This isn’t cooking; it’s wishful thinking disguised as a meal. Her justification? Leaving in all the starch makes it "creamy." In reality, this technique doesn’t create creaminess—it results in a gluey, sticky mess that bears an unfortunate resemblance to dried craft paste from an elementary school art project.
As if that weren’t enough, there was also the infamous pasta salad incident. In an inexplicable twist, Meghan decided that pasta salad required an excessive amount of pasta water, turning what should have been a refreshing dish into a bizarre pasta soup. Have you ever craved a dish that’s neither a proper salad nor an actual pasta meal, but rather a soggy in-between mess? No? Exactly.
Naturally, the internet had opinions. Comments ranged from "That’s not pasta—it’s a crime scene" to "Where is Gordon Ramsay when you need him?" Others expressed concern for her children: "Her kids eat this? Are they okay?" But perhaps the most tragic part of all is that one-pan pasta recipes aren’t a new concept. Many variations exist, and somehow, they manage to be both edible and visually appealing. Meghan’s version, on the other hand, looks like something a college student might throw together at 2 a.m. after realizing their freezer is empty.
If there’s one takeaway from this culinary catastrophe, it’s that Italians will defend their pasta with unwavering passion, excess starch does not equate to creaminess, and before sharing a recipe with the world, it’s wise to consult someone who actually knows how to cook. One thing is certain—Meghan Markle’s cooking is just as polarizing as everything else she does. Best of luck to anyone daring enough to try her "noodles."
